If I Don't See You Anymore
by sockhop
Summary: It has been almost two years since Jane left Boston and took a job in DC. She was happy with her new profession. High salary. Lots of benefits and less dangerous. But something's missing. Maura's books became a hit. After the first book released, she immediately worked on the next one. And now she will be working on the third one. But her inspiration was far away. Post S7. Rated T.


**AN1: This one-shot is based on the song 'Far Away' by Nickelback. The lyrics weren't written accordingly. I just got some lines from the song that I think will fit the scenario. So yeah.**

 **AN2: I hope you folks will enjoy this. Feedback? Happy Reading!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own R &I and the song Far Away.**

* * *

 **If I Don't See You Anymore**

* * *

It has been eight months since Maura and Jane last saw each other. That was when Maura went to DC to visit her best friend. It was one of the best moments of their lives and it wasn't enough for both of them. They both took two weeks of vacation leave from their respective jobs. They spent their time together doing all the things they wanted; shopping, strolling at the park, movie date, eating their favorite foods. They even held hands whenever they were walking. Something they never did before when they were in Boston. Jane gave Maura a tour around DC and Maura couldn't be any happier about it. They talked about their work. Maura could tell that Jane is happy with her new work by partaking with things and sharing her knowledge to be a better cop to the younger generations of cops. She's proud of her best friend. Of the new path, she's leading. She's happy for her that she seems happy and contented in life. The doctor shared the success of the second book she wrote. It was another bestseller from the ME. Jane listened intently to every word Maura was saying. She's proud of her best friend that she found a new identity aside from being the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Actually, just spending time with Jane alone and doing nothing was already enough for the doctor. The other things they did were just a bonus for her. Two weeks was long but somehow it felt short when Jane drove Maura to the airport for her flight back to Boston. They were sad. They never said a single word throughout their ride to the airport. There was a lump in their throat like if they're going to talk, they will just burst into tears instead. There was heaviness of feelings from their hearts. They didn't want to let each other go. They never wanted it. But when they were in airport and Maura's flight was being called for one last time, they hugged each other tightly and promised that they will see each other again sooner and let their tears rolled down their cheeks. So they agreed that they will see each other again after nine months to Maura's birthday and Jane will be the one to visit them in Boston. It has been eight months since they agreed to that.

* * *

 _I keep dreaming_

 _You'll be with me_

 _And you'll never go_

Maura woke up with a start when her alarm went off. Today is a big day for her. Today she will discuss the third book she will be working on for the next months. Ever since her first book was released and became a hit, she stepped down being a Chief Medical Examiner and passed down her title to her successor Kent Drake. She still works as ME though. But part-time only. She sometimes let herself be Kent's consultant to some matters. Especially if they're opening a cold case that she worked on before. She reviews Kent's report and she supervised him from time to time. But she never went to crime scene again. She never performed an autopsy and lab experiments again after that. And truth be told it felt different not working with Korsak and Jane. So stepping down and passing her title was a lot easier than she expected.

She sat up on her bed and stretched her arms. After that normal routine, she fetched the picture frame on her bedside table. It was a picture of her and Jane from a charity event they attended years ago. It was a nice photo of them grinning at the cameraman while their arms were wrapped around each other's waist. They looked happy and contented. She smiled as she traced the picture with her fingertips as a tear rolled down her cheeks. She misses Jane a lot. And she had been dying to see her again and be with her again. But she still have to bear that feeling until next month then she will see her again.

...

After the discussion of the timeline for the progression of her new book, Maura found herself sitting face to face with her editor talking about personal things. The redhead woman named Ali Sanders has been Maura's editor since her first book was published and she already warmed to the middle-aged woman that she's already comfortable talking things with her. Today is just a normal day for both of them.

"Did I ever tell you how great of a writer you are?" The redhead spoke.

"I believe you already mentioned that to me before after I published my second book." Maura said after sipping on her straw. The two were in the cafe. An almost deserted cafe.

Ali chuckled then nodded at Maura. "You just really have this great mind. I think the words easily flow into your mind. And I must say I'm pretty hooked up with your detective character Abbie." Maura smiled. "I actually pictured her. And I do have a good imagination. Dark brown eyes. Curly brunette hair. Tanned skin. Long and slender figure. She must be gorgeous if she really does exist. She seemed to be some sort of goddess."

Maura smiled at that. What just her editor said was true. Her character Abbie was a goddess if she were to exist because all her features basically came from Jane's appearance. And to her, Jane was a goddess of beauty. And mind.

"Let alone that she's smart. Has a sharp mind and witty. Hmm, I do hope that she really does exist."

"She does." Maura unknowingly replied. She never told anyone that her inspiration with that character was her best friend. Even Jane. Well, she told her that some of Jane's features were borrowed from her appearance but she tweaked some of it.

The editor narrowed her eyes as her mouth hung open. "She does? Who? Tell me. Who's your inspiration for that character?"

Maura blushed, realizing that there's no going back. She couldn't lie or she will go vasovagal. And she was trying to avoid that. "Well, she was my best friend. Jane. Jane Rizzoli."

"Hmm, Jane. Jane Rizzoli. Nice name. She's Italian I bet." Ali said. Maura just nodded for confirmation. Ali seemed to be thinking more when she snapped her eyes back at Maura like something kicked in her mind. "Wait, was that Detective Jane Rizzoli from BPD? The great Detective Jane Rizzoli who shot herself in front of the precinct to stop the siege?"

"Yes. We're talking about the same Jane Rizzoli." Maura smiled.

"Whoa. And you two are best friends? And you worked together. Wait if you were the Chief ME and she was the Homicide Detective, then you two solved crimes before? Together?"

"Yeah. We had a lot of case solved. We were a team. A great team."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Ali asked.

"I don't know. I think it wasn't that important to tell. You already knew that I was the Chief ME and that I did autopsies and other things. And I just like my character and best friend to be a low profile person." Maura sipped on her drink again.

"Makes sense. So tell me what she's like in real life." Ali suddenly became intrigued by the real-life character in Maura's books. And Maura became uncomfortable. She doesn't really like talking to other people about Jane and her personal life but she knew that Ali wouldn't let go of her hook so she went for it instead.

"Well, just like in my books, she has a dark curly hair. Dark brown eyes. Tan soft skin. Two dimples on her both cheeks. Perfect teeth." Maura didn't realize that she hasn't been looking at Ali while she talked about Jane. She had been daydreaming about her best friend and the editor noticed it then smiled. "Long bone structure. And yes, she's smart. Has the sharpest mind among her co-detectives. She's like Sherlock Holmes. And I didn't mention it in the book. But she's the most caring and loving person I've ever met. Though sometimes she's grumpy and rarely let her guard down."

Ali smiled widely at Maura. "A girlfriend material. And I bet you're the only one who she lets her guard down with?"

"Most of the time, yes."

"So when are you gonna tell her?"

Maura frowned. "Tell her what?"

"That you love her?"

Maura was surprised. "Pardon?"

Ali rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Don't tell me it isn't true and that I'm just making things up. It's too obvious that you're in love with her."

Maura blushed harder this time. "What? How?"

The redhead chuckled at the horrified look of Maura. "Your face is as red as my hair. It just confirmed that you're totally into her. And please, Maura, you have it all written on your face. The way you spoke about her. The way you spoke her name. There's so much love in it. Too much love and affection. I've never seen you talked about other people that way throughout our friendship. Maybe you can hide it from her, but you cannot it from me." Ali smirked. "And you did this thing tilting your head to the right when you were talking about her. And what you doctors say about that? Remembering things?"

Maura sighed. "Well, I don't have the guts."

Ali turned serious this time. "I can see that. But would you let something good go? I hope not. From your story and from your books, I guess Jane is really a great person. And a great person isn't available for a long time."

"She really is."

"Well, I hope in the next book Abbie and Caitlin will have their happy ending." Ali winked at Maura as she pertained to two best friends character in Maura's books. Clearly, they are Jane and Maura in real life.

* * *

 _I wanted, I wanted you to stay_

 _'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say_

It was a long day for Jane in FBI teaching new generations who wanted to be cops, agents, and detectives. She was too busy, she hadn't get the chance to call or text Maura like she normally does. And the funny thing is, she didn't get a text or call from Maura, too. Let alone a voice mail. The doctor must have a busy day today also. So now, sitting on her bed after her nightly routine, she got her laptop, logged in on her Skype and called Maura. It took her three seconds before Maura's face filled her whole screen. She smiled at the sight.

"Hey." Jane softly spoke.

"Hey, you." Maura smiled warmly at Jane on her screen.

"Busy day?"

"Yeah. Ali my editor and I had a meeting about the next book I'll be working on." Maura replied.

Jane's face lit up at the news. She's really proud of the new career her best friend has now. "Really? So, should I be expecting a new book from the great Dr. Maura Isles anytime soon?"

Maura playfully rolled her eyes. "You know it's not that easy to write a book, Jane. It may take me months, depending on the length of the next book. And thank you for the compliment, by the way."

"Nah. You deserve it. You're great." Jane whispered, looking at Maura's face on her screen lovingly.

"Well, thank you Professor Jane Rizzoli." Maura smiled teasingly. Jane cringed at the title used.

"Please, just Jane is okay."

"Okay then, Detective Jane Rizzoli."

"Maur, I'm not a detective anymore."

"You're still my detective though." Maura responded lowly. Jane smiled at that. Appreciating of what Maura had just said. They stared at each other with smiles on their faces. Then there was silence.

"So... what else did you do today?" Jane was the first to speak after a long silence.

"After that, I went to the ME's office and helped Kent on a cold case. Then I had a dinner with Angela and Ron."

"Oh. You really had a long day. No wonder why I didn't get a text from you throughout the day." It wasn't a demand nor an accusation like it was Maura's obligation to text her every minute of every day on whatever she's doing.

"I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be. Don't ever be sorry for doing your job and doing what you love. You do great things, Maura. You really do." Jane gave her a reassuring smile. "I just missed you this day."

Maura smiled back. Relieved that Jane isn't disappointed in her. "I missed you, too." Silence. "So, tell me? How was your day?"

"Well, same old, same old. I did some teaching. The class was great. I can see some students did really paid attention though some were just waiting for the clock to tick. They were the bored ones. And I did some grading on the test I gave them. Giving grades really sucks. But all in all, I feel great sharing my knowledge with those young ones. I just hope that all the things I taught them will bore into their minds." Jane said.

"You're doing great, Jane. I can see it."

"Well, thanks. Who knows that I will love this teaching thing?"

"Let's just say that you finally grasp the gist of it. And now you're enjoying it."

"Wow, that was deep. Finally, you're not throwing me medical terms. Should I expect that someday you'll be throwing me writing terms instead?" Jane teased. Maura rolled her eyes with a smile on her face then they both laugh.

"Listen, I called you tonight because of three things."

"O...kay?"

"First, I wanted to say that I miss you and I wanted to see you even if it's just on Skype." Jane smiled. "Second, I just wanted to say I'm sorry I wasn't able to text you throughout the day. And lastly, I wanted to tell you that I will be busy tomorrow, probably all day and that I won't be able to talk to you. But I promise that once I get back to my apartment I'll call you immediately. So I'm sorry."

"Don't Jane. Like what you said don't be sorry for doing what you love." Maura replied.

"Right. And now, I need to get to sleep because I need to go to the office tomorrow early. I need to do some paper works. I hope you don't mind."

"It's okay, Jane. It's already late anyway. You go get some sleep."

"You, too. I don't like you staying up so late. It's bad."

Maura narrowed her eyes in amusement. "Okay, Doctor Rizzoli." She grinned.

"Whatever, Maur." But there's still a smile on her face. "Hey, can you not turn off our video chat? I just like the thought that you're sleeping next to me. Figuratively."

"Okay. Goodnight, Jane."

"Goodnight, Maur."

"I'll se you next month."

"I'll see you."

Both women settled on their respective beds. And before they drifted off to sleep, happiness filled their hearts.

* * *

 _This time_

 _This place_

 _Misused_

 _Mistakes_

Jane happily entered the FBI building with a piece of paper in her hand that will determine her next path. It was a good morning for her. The sun was shining brightly above the sky like it was smiling down at her. But the rays don't make her skin sensitive. It was perfect like it was telling her that today, it will be a perfect day for her. That is if everything will turn out well.

Last night was a great night for her. Though she only talked to Maura for a few minutes, it was already enough for her heart to feel happy and giddy. Hearing her voice makes her heart swell and she couldn't be more any luckier than that. She's like a teenager falling in love for the first time. And now, she's here, walking early inside her building for almost two years, finding her towards the office of her immediate supervisor.

Upon reaching the said office, she knocked before entering the office. She was greeted by a warm smile of Agent Cameron Davies. "Good morning Jane."

"Good morning Agent Davies." Jane smiled back.

Agent Davies gestured for Jane to sit on the chair and the tall brunette did as what she's told. "What brought you here this early in the morning?"

"I wanted to give you this." Jane handed the piece of paper to Agent Davies, nervous of what his reaction would be.

Agent Davies frowned. Then snapped back his gaze at Jane after reading it. Jane just started fidgeting. "You're resigning from your position?"

"Yes."

"May I know why? Aren't you happy working here? Are the benefits and the salary not that enough for you?" He paused, realizing the way he said those words. It was a little insulting. "Don't get it that way." He immediately added. "I just thought you're happy with your work here."

"I am." Jane nodded. "I really am. But I got this opportunity to work back at home. I couldn't let the opportunity go."

"So, it's in Boston?"

"Yes. It's also a teaching position in BPD. Cavanaugh offered me and I grabbed it. I hope you understand Agent Davies. I really had fun teaching here. And I learned a lot, especially from you. But now, I think it's time for me to go back home."

There was silence for awhile. Agent Davies seemed to be contemplating on what he will say next then he smiled and nodded. "Okay, then. You couldn't stray that long enough from your true home I think. Well, it is a pleasure working with you, Jane." He held out a hand for Jane to shake.

Jane smiled and let out a sigh of relief as she accepted the offered hand. "Thank you, Agent Davies."

"Well, I thought we really make a good team."

"We did. Hey, listen, Cavanaugh gave me thirty days to process everything. Until then, I still can teach here and do turn over of my work." Jane said.

"Okay."

"But I do have a request though." Jane smiled sheepishly.

"What is it?"

"Can I take a one week off? I just wanted to visit my family back in Boston and tell them my news personally."

Agent Davies thought of something better. "Why don't we take it this way? I just let your resignation be effective immediately? Once you left this building today, you'll no longer be working here?" Jane was shocked at that. She didn't know how to react to that. "Hey, don't think it that way. I like you being here. We need you here. But I can sense that you rather be in Boston than in here. Your heart wasn't here. It was never here, to begin with. You were maybe happy here as you claim it but I think you left your heart in Boston. To someone."

Jane blushed. Was she really that obvious? Agent Davies laughed at her expression. "Let's just say that I'm giving you this thirty days to enjoy before going back to work again next month. What do you say? Is that okay?"

Jane couldn't even feel luckier. Her smile grew wider. "I like that."

"Okay then. Just give me your lesson plan and I'll take care of the rest."

"Okay."

"And one more thing. Don't leave her again." Agent Davies smiled and Jane smiled back.

"I won't."

...

When Jane reached her apartment, she immediately booked a flight to Boston online. She felt so happy and she was glad that Agent Davies accepted her resignation really well. And to top that, he even offered to take the thirty days to have a vacation. It means, she will get to spend a month with Maura doing all the things they want. Maura. Her heart burst to joy realizing that she will get to see her again in a few hours. She did everything she needed to do. Sending Cavanaugh her application form. Handling Agent Davies her lesson plan. Filling up her exit forms in FBI. And now all that's left to do is pack her things that she will need when she's back in Boston. All the other stuff will be put to donation and the others will be shipped and will be taken cared of by FBI. Who won't feel lucky enough with this kind of opportunity, right?

Handling resignation letter to Agent Davies. Check.

Sending Cavanaugh her application form. Check.

Filling up her exit forms. Check.

Booking a flight online. Check.

Packing things. Already doing.

A smile was plastered on Jane's face as she packed her things. She's going home. _Home_.

* * *

 _Too long, too late_

 _Who was I to make you wait?_

It was already in the middle of the night but Maura is still wide awake typing the first chapter of her third book while she drinks a chamomile tea on her kitchen island. She was so engrossed she didn't hear her doorbell rang for the first time. When it rang again, she frowned, wondering who that person might be visiting her in the middle of the night. Then it rang again. She stood up and headed for the door and opened it. Her eyes widened in surprise realizing who that person was on the other side of the door.

"Jane." Maura breathed out.

Jane smiled widely upon seeing her best friend. "Hi, Maur."

"What...What are you doing here?" Maura's eyes were still wide by surprise.

"May I at least come in first? It's kinda windy out here."

"Oh." Maura stepped aside and let Jane inside her house. After locking the door again, Maura faced Jane again.

"Hi, Maura." Jane smiled. "It's so nice to see you again." The greeting was simple. But somehow it didn't come out platonically. There was more affection to that simple greeting. It was like saying hello for the first time after a long separation from the love of your life.

"Hello, Jane. I'm happy to see you." Maura smiled. Finally, the longing to see Jane eased in her chest. She didn't need to wait for her for another month to see her again because she's already here, right in front of her.

"I know you're still awake that's why I rang the bell. I can see your kitchen lights from the outside."

"I see."

They stared at each other. Neither wanted to say something as if it will ruin their intimate moment if one of them started talking. The longing. The missing of each other's presence was long gone when they came face to face. All was left was the need to feel the other against the other. The wanting to see the smile on one person. The desire to hold each other and never letting go again.

"I thought next month will be your next visit here?" Maura finally spoke after a long silence that was filled between them.

"I cut it short. I resigned from my post. Effective immediately. After that, I booked the earliest flight back to Boston and my first thought was to come here to you to tell you the news." Jane explained. "And to see you as soon as I can."

Maura's eyes almost bulged from the news. Jane Rizzoli resigned from her post and she's coming back to Boston. To _her_. And she couldn't be more happy about it, could she? "You did what? You resigned?"

Jane grinned upon seeing the reaction from Maura. Of course, that's the kind of response she was expecting. "I had an offer in BPD. Yesterday, Cavanaugh called me and offered me a job. A teaching position also. The pay wasn't that high but I'll still live with it. And offered me more benefits so I grabbed the opportunity and said yes. I didn't tell you immediately because I wanted to finalize everything first. I finalized the requirements Cavanaugh needed and handed Agent Davies my resignation letter. I was just glad that I can leave FBI immediately though Cavanaugh gave me thirty days to process everything in FBI and my turn over to my replacement. They said they will handle everything. So yesterday afternoon, I booked the earliest flight back here."

"And you didn't tell me immediately after that?" There was no accusation in Maura's voice or demand. She was just curious so she asked.

"Yeah. I didn't because I wanted to surprise you. I'm coming home, Maura."

"Well, you did surprise me. It really is a great news. Greater than the news that my books were best sellers." Maura said. Her smile grew wider, finally sinking in that Jane is really finally back. And to add to that, her position isn't dangerous anymore. She won't have to worry about her safety daily anymore. And they will have more time to spend starting today or tomorrow.

"So, you're still on vacation for thirty days, right?"

"Ah ha. Cavanaugh expects me to be on duty next month."

They fell silent again. Studying each other. Maura noticed Jane's hair was longer than the last time she went to DC to visit her. She was also thinner. She must not have been eating properly. Well, that's expected when it comes to Jane Rizzoli. She tends to forget to eat on time especially when she's under a lot of pressure. That's why she needed someone to remind her to eat right on time. But all in all, she's still the same woman though there were few changes in her physical appearance. She's still her best friend whom she fell in love with years ago. The one she's still in love with up to this day. The person she could see her future with. The one person she wanted to spend her life with. The woman to whom she's willing to surrender everything even her title just to be with her. Her best friend. Her Jane.

When Jane focused her eyes on Maura, that was the only time she noticed what the blonde doctor was wearing. She's wearing a silk robe that passed down above her knees. Her breath hitched when the thought 'What could be Maura wearing under those silky robe' passed her mind. But God only knows what Maura could be wearing. And she has to shake those dirty thoughts running through her mind. She flicked her gaze to the other woman's eyes and there, she found calmness and home. That same look that calms her tensed nerves whenever she's sad, scared or mad. Right in front of her was standing the woman she adored. That same woman she loved all these years. That same woman she thought she would never see again. That same woman she vowed to protect with everything she had. That same woman to whom she's willing to bend everything just to keep her happy. Her best friend. Her Maura.

Jane walked slowly towards Maura and now they're inches apart from each other. "I'm sorry Maura." Jane said softly. It was almost a whisper but it was enough for Maura to hear.

"For what?" Maura frowned.

"For been away for far too long."

Maura's eyes softened and she smiled at Jane. "I forgive you." She paused. "For been away for far too long."

That was enough for Jane to wrap her left arm around Maura's waist and her other arm to her creamy cheek and close to gap between them. It was just like a peck at first but when their lips moved simultaneously, Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's waist and pulled the taller woman even closer to her if it was possible. They've been longing to do this. They've been longing to hold each other this way. They've been wanting to be that one person who gets to kiss the other in every possible way and in every minute or hours they feel. But they were too afraid to acknowledge their own feelings even to themselves. They were too afraid to confess their feelings because they thought that if they let their feelings known, it will only ruin what they already have. Their friendship. But all those fears were gone and was only replaced with love and affection they felt for each other when their tongues met for the first time. It was sweet. Gentle. Affectionate. Full of love and pending emotions. It was perfect. And it was like Jane is telling Maura that she will never be leaving her again. And it's as if Maura is telling Jane that she won't let her go again.

When their lips parted, they smiled at each other adoringly. No awkwardness between them. Jane caressed Maura's cheek as if she's laying out all her feelings to her touch. The scarred hand touched the soft skin. Maura closed her eyes as she leaned on the touch. Both couldn't form a word after the kiss. The silence between them was enough to let the other know their feelings. It was enough for them to communicate. After all, they already perfected communicating to each other silently throughout the years.

When Maura's eyes shot open, her gaze darted to something inside Jane's blazer pocket. It was like something of a sort of paper. She reached for it and get it. She was surprised when she realized that it was a photo of the two of them wearing baseball outfit during a tournament that was held by BPD years before.

"You were carrying our photo?" Maura looked at Jane.

Jane nodded, a sheepish smile was plastered on her face. And a blush formed on her cheeks. It was the most adorable sight Maura had ever seen in her entire life. And she wouldn't get tired of it. She smiled back at Jane.

"Why?"

"I always look at that whenever I miss you." Jane confessed. Her cheeks reddened even more if it was even possible. "I always carry it with me. That way I'll feel like you're close by." Maura's eyes brimmed with tears. She knew Jane to be a thoughtful, caring, and lovable person. But she never thought she has this kind of impact on her. She felt happy and loved when she heard what Jane said.

"Hey, no, no, no. Don't cry." Jane immediately wiped Maura's tears.

"These were happy tears, Jane." Maura said. Jane let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll always look at it if I don't see you anymore. That's what I thought before." Jane admitted.

"Do you think it will still happen?" Maura asked curiously.

"I don't think so. Not anymore And I don't want to." Jane smiled at Maura. This time, it was Maura who leaned in and gave Jane a quick kiss on the lips. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

"I'm home." Jane whispered.

"Welcome home." She leaned again and kissed her with her whole heart.

They didn't need a grand declaration of love towards one another. They know a mutual feeling was already there. They were tiptoeing on it for years. Trying to avoid until they couldn't bear hiding it anymore. What transpired between them that night was more than enough to tell one another that they love each other and that they had been in love for a long time. Yes, it was sweet to say 'I love you' and 'I love you, too' to that one person you love the most. But for them, saying 'I missed you,' 'I missed you, too' and 'I'm home' was more than enough to let the others know that they truly love one another. What they truly felt. Missing someone every day was more affectionate than saying 'I love you' from time to time. For Jane, there's no place like home than with Maura. And for Maura, she couldn't be more any happier than welcoming Jane back home.

 _I love you. I have loved you all along._

* * *

 **END**


End file.
